Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I've hit a brick wall

I started this post, in fact deleting the first paragraph of it, to blog about the 'I hearts'. So many lovely, beautiful things to talk about. Romantic flowers, heart breaking photography and a plethora of clothing that I would love to own, curiously enough most of the items had darling details of buttons. I also happen to have a new obsession for accessories. How come nobody ever taught me how to accessorize and buy these items to complete an outfit? But I digress, I need to be honest. I need to focus my attention on myself, my mind and my body. Most importantly my body. I am acutely aware of twinges, cramps, pains and any unease in my body that may signal my auto immune disease is actively attacking my body. A nasty little thing it is that has caused me multiple hospitalizations and surgeries. Before hand, before I had two little boys that I am privileged to take care of and go by the name of Mom to, before all of that, it was just a major inconvenience. A hinder to my now husband, then fiance. He is a trooper, Mr. C, that is. A godsend for me. My knight in shining armor. But now, I have these amazing little babes and I don't have time to waste in a hospital. My youngest babe is still nursing round the clock and I fear the medications that the doctor's will place me on. These medications by the way rarely work on me. I generally require surgery to place me back into remission. So, I sit here praying, crossing my fingers and damning this disease away. I am hoping at best that I am currently suffering from the bouts of flu and virus's that have been plaguing everyone I know. It is time to up my vitamins and say, hello, to the acupuncturist. I am hoping to be feeling back to my old energetic self within a couple of days. Time will tell. Until then, I need to find a babysitter for my appointments and some inner strength of peace. Stress will only escalate the problems. Yoga, meditation and walks on the beach are my new themes. Good bye refined sugars...hello organics.


Maggie May said...

i'm sorry you feel badly. and i hope, hope, hope you are just having an illness or stress. i totally know the feeling of being hyper aware of your body's signals and wondering how to interpret them. it's anxiety producing, which as you say is counter-productive. i hope the acupuncturist helps, i've had great luck with mine, when i've gone. much love.

Kristi said...

Thanks Maggie! I am glad you have had positive results with your acupuncturist.

Maggie Madison said...

Wow. did not know you were going through that. My positive thoughts are with you and I will send you, too a metta, loving kindness meditation, via the blogosphere:

May you be well and happy,
May you be strong, confident and peaceful,
May you have ease and well-being.


Kristi said...

Maggie Madison I am sending you a great big hug! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

It is my crohn's disease. :(

Diana said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope you have the flu. Or a cold. Or anything that passes with only annoyance. My prayers are with you (and your acupunturist ;0)